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fantasy vs experiance
Return to Discussionshope it's not a problem posting in multiple groups. i don't mean t spam, but thought this topic was appropriate in a few groups.
the question has come up, is the fantasy meant to be realized or, is it meant to stay a fantasy? i've never been with a guy but it's been on my mind for years. it's been a big part of my fantasies for that time. i guess u can look at it as, how far do i wanna go? is just fantasizing about it enough or do i really think about the idea so highly, the next natural step is to go for it? which i guess is a fair question.
but, here's another question, what happens after i go for it? i've had these fantasies for so long they feel like a part of me. kinda give me comfort. once i realize them & experiance them for real the fantasies no longer exist, it's something i would loose. which is fine i guess if i find out from experiance i like being with guys, & i have enough opportunities to be with guys. but what happens if i don't like the experiance? if i hate it? if i loath it? if i feel repused? then the fantasy can never be used by me ever again & i'm left with nothing. yes there would be relief after years of torturing myself with curiosity. years when i was younger, more resiliant & more virile. but i would be emptier because the fantasies would be overshadowed by the grim realization it's not something i'd like.
i'm not talking about having a bad experiance like sleeping with a jerk or running out of lube. i could easily enough chalk it up to experiance but still know i could have a better experiance under better circumstances--a more suitable guy(s), a more private area, a better nite's sleep. i'm also not really talking about feeling guilty afterwards either. though that's another question, i guess if i kept doing it i would get over any guilt.
i'm talking about just not liking it. the fantasy looses it's power. do i then withdraw more from society? do i spiral out of control desparately & haphazzardly looking for meaning in my life? does my confusion grow so i miss opportunites to learn & be happy, or are things clearer to me than they have been for years? if so what do i see? what do i cling to? what do i aspire to? am i now able to be successful with seeking the right member of the opposite sex & establishing a healthy, joyfull relationship with her, or am i plunged even deeper in the hole of incompetence that drains most of the joy out of my life?
Just do it. What is the point of a forbidden fantasy. To be exciting there has to be a prospect of the fantasy coming true - turning into experience. If it's a real fantasy the excitement will overwhelm you when it happens. And once it becomes reality do it again and again if you like it. Then you w2ill find you move on to a new deeper fantasy.
hope it's not a problem posting in multiple groups. i don't mean t spam, but thought this topic was appropriate in a few groups.the question has come up, is the fantasy meant to be realized or, is it meant to stay a fantasy? i've never been with a guy but it's been on my mind for years. it's been a big part of my fantasies for that time. i guess u can look at it as, how far do i wanna go? is just fantasizing about it enough or do i really think about the idea so highly, the next natural step is to go for it? which i guess is a fair question.but, here's another question, what happens after i go for it? i've had these fantasies for so long they feel like a part of me. kinda give me comfort. once i realize them & experiance them for real the fantasies no longer exist, it's something i would loose. which is fine i guess if i find out from experiance i like being with guys, & i have enough opportunities to be with guys. but what happens if i don't like the experiance? if i hate it? if i loath it? if i feel repused? then the fantasy can never be used by me ever again & i'm left with nothing. yes there would be relief after years of torturing myself with curiosity. years when i was younger, more resiliant & more virile. but i would be emptier because the fantasies would be overshadowed by the grim realization it's not something i'd like.i'm not talking about having a bad experiance like sleeping with a jerk or running out of lube. i could easily enough chalk it up to experiance but still know i could have a better experiance under better circumstances--a more suitable guy(s), a more private area, a better nite's sleep. i'm also not really talking about feeling guilty afterwards either. though that's another question, i guess if i kept doing it i would get over any guilt.i'm talking about just not liking it. the fantasy looses it's power. do i then withdraw more from society? do i spiral out of control desparately & haphazzardly looking for meaning in my life? does my confusion grow so i miss opportunites to learn & be happy, or are things clearer to me than they have been for years? if so what do i see? what do i cling to? what do i aspire to? am i now able to be successful with seeking the right member of the opposite sex & establishing a healthy, joyfull relationship with her, or am i plunged even deeper in the hole of incompetence that drains most of the joy out of my life?
There are fantasies, needs and desires. This does not appear to be a fantasy. It's not something you imagined to boost erotic play or a scenario that appeals but is unlikely. It's repetitive, non dissipating, causing you some distress and way too much overthinking. You're bisexual in essence like 80% of the population. Not everyone acts on bisexual urges for lots of reasons. Some deny them. You are past denial and edging to realization. That cat does not go back in the bag in my experience. Take concrete steps and make decisions about how you will allow yourself the freedom. Maybe therapy is a good idea. You have decided the same sex attraction is destructive and that marriage will lead to happiness. Simply not true and based on assumptions from cultural norms. Happy marriage isn't just meeting a woman. In fact nothing to do with it. It's maturing as a person and taking steps to build a solid relationship with another. But first build one with yourself with self forgiveness and love. You're not bad nor is your desire bad.