I don't have this sex with non poz folks except by extraordinary circumstance because they are not worthy of the honour by virtue of having not earned the right and I am not willing to take a legal risk of being charged by a legal system that isn't up to date on the science. I know this seems a bit harsh but after 26 years this question and it's variants are upsetting. Upsetting because it is the wrong question. The question is why are men doing the one thing they know transmits HIV but worrying about the group that cannot.
One more time. The only group with HIV that is spreading the virus is the group that doesn't know they have it. Most HIV poz guys are on meds. You have to be super non compliant to have virus. Those cases get followed monthly. They get advice and public health tracks them. Those who know and dont take meds are a tiny group. They also tend to be very up front about it as a fetish. So don't screw the guy who says he is into pozzing if you want to avoid it. That's so obvious isn't it? Please inform yourself. It's your health and safety at risk by not understanding the epidemiology. So seeking out or playing with Poz guys is in general not risky at all. No virus no risk. Thousands of case studies back this up. Stigma is deadly. Not poz guys.
I am in agreement with you again. I would have sex with anyone regardless of their status. I may inquire about HepC but otherwise, I dont care. Sex is meant to feel good and suppressing or omitting the pleasure you would derive from your orgasm due to a rubber sheath prevents me from practicing safe sex thru condoms. If a person is concerned about contracting the virus, speak with your Dr. or go see an Infectious Disease Dr. and start on a PREP regimen. Its making sex pleasurable again (mentally for the bottom and physically for the top).
If you are engaging in sex with anyone that is not a known trusted partner, you take a risk no matter what they say. I know I have played with guys that are undetectable although they claimed neg on Scruff but later found them on BBRT as undetectable. It is a risk that I know will always be there if I want to have other sexual partners, go to bathhouses, sex parties. or even nudist events. I love bareback sex and don't apologize for it. If a guy really wants to use a condom , I will for him. Usually, I find that even "condom only" guys will go bare when given a chance.
First concept. People who don't care. OK, so to say it again, the only way to avoid risk is to not engage in high risk sex acts. If you take cum, or fuck raw, you're taking a risk that is more than zero. That's it. There is NO way to screen your partners that is effective. 30 years of HIV transmission has proven this, and the recent spikes in infection are in demographics LEAST educated about prevention. So the answer is, most people who have decided to not worry about the serostatus of their partner (keep in mind, the only status that is almost always true is HIV+, no one who has condomless sex has ANY clue about their status one week to the next unless they are testing every five minutes. If you have had sex of any kind since your last test you cannot say you are negative. That's a lie, you don't know. What you CAN say is that you are almost entirely certain you are since the sex was low risk, or very low risk. So to repeat, by the data, by 30 years of epidemiology and research, when a man tells you he is NEGATIVE he is almost always lying, to himself, to you, or whatever. If you accept that statement as being a good way to avoid infection, you have taken NO MORE CARE than the people who just take loads (and you are deceiving yourself whereas they are not). You can't tell by a person's face, your instinct, or anything else. It's a random crap shoot because this is not a method that works at all.
Men who are HIV+ and not on meds tell you so for the most part, if they don't lie and say NEGATIVE (pay attention here). If they say they are infectious, that is honest, and even if it's not, deciding not to have raw sex with this person will ALWAYS result in you NOT GETTING INFECTED. Be thankful for these men. They are being very helpful. Never mind that some men want to fuck them. Not going to hurt you. They more than likely are both positive. The other truthful position is HIV undetectable. Of all the groups I have mentioned ONLY HIV+ undetectable is a guarantee statistically of ZERO risk.
How can that be? Very simple, there is no virus AT ALL in the blood or semen. Not one copy. It's impossible to transmit a virus that isn't there. And even if there were a small amount, which happens very rarely to some men who are sloppy with compliance, its still not enough to infect. You need a significant amount or the immune system destroys it. HIV needs to overwhelm the immune system to take hold. And the only men who have those levels are a) not aware because they don't test, or ignore that one test in a period is only good for the time in which you don't have sex, or HIV + not on meds. Since you know that a man who says he is infectious is infectious, the group that is MOST RISKY BY FAR AND AWAY is the group of men who say they are NEGATIVE.
But what if undetectable guys are really lying? Well, we're not. Why? Because the only thing keeping us out of jail for sexual assault and attempted murder (HIV+ is still on the books this way everywhere in NA) is the status "undetectable". The courts have recognized wisely that it is not reasonable to charge someone with an act they cannot physically commit. However, if he wasn't, that goes out the door. HIV+ folks have been taking care of their sexual health for years, sometimes decades. We are well used to being on the ball about it. I am not EVER going to have raw sex with a man who isn't poz just because I don't want the hassle and the stigma and the blame for what I am not now, or really ever was responsible for.
Bottom line. If you have raw sex, you don't get to point fingers and shame others, unless you're only fucking poz undetectable men because you're not doing anything better. But even better is that we stop shaming each other for the sex we have and start supporting each other in making better choices for our pleasure and health instead of dumping what is really (understandable) internalized fear on others.
One MORE time. Known trusted partner is a fiction. Trusting someone does not mean they tell the truth. Or that your trust is well founded. Statistics show many new infections among couples. Strangers are generally no more or less reliable than close friends. This isn't how to manage risk it's avoidance of risk management.
If a person says negative on one profile (is there an undetectable option?) and undetectable on another the bbrt statement isn't an indictment its a relief. Undetectable is untransmittable. Negative is any possible state but almost never true or known. Sure the person lied but in this case the lie is harmless because they can't transmit.
I can get behind wanting raw cock. I can get behind risk management. What I can't get behind is myth stigma and shame pretending to be risk management.
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