Uncomfortable....

Boy am I going to step on some toes but here goes....I wont do gay pride. Not going to put a rainbow flag or equal sign on my car. Vote for a political candidate who uses the gay card or go out with sissies. Not only am I uncomfortable with an effeminate male but also embarrassed. It seems the effeminate gay screams the loudest about equal rights he already has. One of the problems I see is that the effeminate guy may thinks its humorous to act the sissie but doesnt know how ridiculous he is calling another guy girl or sister. Gay pride is a sore subject with me. I was talked into going to a parade only once. I was embarrassed to see what straight society sees and assumes all gay men act like sissies. As for me I could care less who knows I am gay and I freely admit it. I have never been discriminated or called names. I am just myself and dont need to act for anyone.

Maybe the person who you don't know, but have a real good stereotype to work in and out of DOESN'T have the same rights as you do. Have you been gay bashed? More than once? How about 100 times? It happens, and no amount of "they were annoying" or "they bothered me" justifies violence. Were you sexually abused? How about fired from a job or kicked out of the house by your parents? The statistics on the "sissy" as you call the person in question are pretty bleak. And the rights you're sure he has. What did you do for those rights? Sat back and blended in? Fine, that's your right. But sister, Mary, girlfriend miss Mahalia Jackson 5 (these are words, if you dont think they apply to you, then dont worry about them, I just wrote em because I could) ... the sissy that threw the first brick at stonewall, the leaders of the political revolution that changed the way the world sees men who fuck men, those were queens, transsexuals and sissies, The big butch boys were hiding out because they didnt want mommy and daddy to see, Sylvia P Rivera. Marsha P Johnson, those ladies were out there taking truncheons. I have done my getting beaten by cops for existing too,

I don't care what people think of me. You obviously do. And these are the people who will put you in a camp right alongside the sissies. Ask Ernst Rohm about the night of the long knives. Those who hate us wont stop because you are wearing a nice navy blue suit. What you are, is scared. Scared not of what the crowds who come every year most of them because its a lot more fun than other parades and because costumes and naughty and boys oh my. If they didnt like it they would have stopped coming not arrive in their millions. You are scared not of the queens not of the straights but of yourself, Deep down, you worry maybe, maybe just a little bit and can they see it, do they know gotta hide it gotta hide it. Because no one who is secure in themselves has to affirm it by attacking the community that without which, you would not have the rights you do today. The flag is tacky so what. There are lots of tacky flags out there. Most of them, It is also incredible to hear you whine about Pride. You blame others for forcing you. Did they really? Or did you bend to pressure that was reasonable while staying "im not gonna like this and I am not going to feel included" inside? Ya did and why did you go? if its a sore spot, its because this much time later, you still think you're entitled to bash the people at the event who were , you know, doing it. No one cares if you walk down the street or not. You are the only person for whom that matters. MY first Pride in another millenium was huge for me. The big black drag queen who was trying to get me to go was trying my patience and i said no, thats not for me.

He yelled after me, "hey, mcgill frat stud, what about me? You can go back to your school and your money and your connections and no one will ever bat an eye, have a wife, kids dont care...but what about me. Where am I supposed to hide? I didnt ask to be put on earth this way but I am... 7 foot tall big bright and sounding like all of bob fosse with liberace thrown in, the only way I can go is more off the wall, you can walk away from gay, I can't).. i was mad at that bitch and I said go back to the ghetto (i regret i now) he lived in what was called the McGIll ghetto but I knew what I had said. I thought about this all week and it did not sit right to me, My father said always if you fail to stand with the person who is weakest in their hour of need you are no Forbes, no Christian and no man. I went to my friend Derek and borrowed full leathers and showed up for the parade and Blane did not recognize me... he was like well didnt you just come all the way out. He said they gonna beat you dressed like that, Then I got out the 12 foot bullwhip in the bag I was carrying and said no they aint. we were abused verbally, bottles thrown (I put my fist in an open car window to the face of the driver because they almost hit some lesbians and deliberately, but the cops missed that. After that I couldnt go back. I danced with 1100 men and women like me in the park and for a minute the world seemed to stop. I had never been so out. So open, nor seen so many out gay and lesbian people. I mean out in a park in daylight. 20 to 30 of us are alive today. The rest died. By some chance, the men I was dancing with, all of whom became friends, are still alive. So is the DJ. So is Miss Blane Mosely. Do you know who you were at that party? Me. And it took me a lot longer than that to get over the internalized bullshit.

I don't have to try to be a man. I don't have to be afraid of being effeminate because neither of these is wrong. And I don't have to prove myself to straight men, please, they all end up with their legs in the air if they get the chance (and it wouldnt get mentioned except it happens a lot) and, I have worked with bikers, road crews, in kitchens and gone hunting with my Dad and his buddies and if I can make it work with those guys, and still be gay as fuck, the problem isnt who is too gay or not for you to be able to negotiate your issues, its that you don't have to suffer like this nor do you need to read others for it either. Isn't it time to let go of whatever it is that matters more than your happiness? Cause it seems like it.

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I must preface with that I hate labels. I consider myself a hedonist in its purest form. If it feels good in the moment and everyone is enjoying, then go for it. When I am with a woman, I desire a feminine, soft, and true woman. When I'm with a man, I like masculine, hwp studs, and preferably a big cock, lol. If I'm looking for a feminine touch, I'm looking for a women, and when looking for an encounter with a man then that's exactly what I want.

There in lies the dichotomy for me, if your gay and into men then why seek someone who behaves as a women? I know some great looking women that can perform a great BJ and love anal sex. I don't mean any disrespect, I just don't understand that dynamic.

If you're going to respond, I ask you do it respectfully. If what I've posted angers you, step away and take a breath before responding.

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