fantasy vs experiance

hope it's not a problem posting in multiple groups. i don't mean t spam, but thought this topic was appropriate in a few groups.

the question has come up, is the fantasy meant to be realized or, is it meant to stay a fantasy? i've never been with a guy but it's been on my mind for years. it's been a big part of my fantasies for that time. i guess u can look at it as, how far do i wanna go? is just fantasizing about it enough or do i really think about the idea so highly, the next natural step is to go for it? which i guess is a fair question.

but, here's another question, what happens after i go for it? i've had these fantasies for so long they feel like a part of me. kinda give me comfort. once i realize them & experiance them for real the fantasies no longer exist, it's something i would loose. which is fine i guess if i find out from experiance i like being with guys, & i have enough opportunities to be with guys. but what happens if i don't like the experiance? if i hate it? if i loath it? if i feel repused? then the fantasy can never be used by me ever again & i'm left with nothing. yes there would be relief after years of torturing myself with curiosity. years when i was younger, more resiliant & more virile. but i would be emptier because the fantasies would be overshadowed by the grim realization it's not something i'd like.

i'm not talking about having a bad experiance like sleeping with a jerk or running out of lube. i could easily enough chalk it up to experiance but still know i could have a better experiance under better circumstances--a more suitable guy(s), a more private area, a better nite's sleep. i'm also not really talking about feeling guilty afterwards either. though that's another question, i guess if i kept doing it i would get over any guilt.

i'm talking about just not liking it. the fantasy looses it's power. do i then withdraw more from society? do i spiral out of control desparately & haphazzardly looking for meaning in my life? does my confusion grow so i miss opportunites to learn & be happy, or are things clearer to me than they have been for years? if so what do i see? what do i cling to? what do i aspire to? am i now able to be successful with seeking the right member of the opposite sex & establishing a healthy, joyfull relationship with her, or am i plunged even deeper in the hole of incompetence that drains most of the joy out of my life?

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