Vanilla Friends

So, this is my first time on a forum but I need to get a balanced view, Ill try to give as much context as possible without rambling on too much
My SO and I started swinging back in January, it was her suggestion and of course I got on board after ensuring that there was no ulterior motive from her other than to add some fun to our relationship. We joined a couple of Swinging sites but never really had much luck, too many pic collectors and single men pretending to be a couple, you know the score yada, yada, yada.
We visited a local club and had a great time, everything was good and we got onto a site recommended by some people we met there. Following some social meets, and lots of chatting, we found a couple that we REALLY got on with both on an intellectual and a sexual level. We met up at our place and the night was fantastic, same room full swap, all good. The next morning, we did a bit of same room soft swap which I really enjoyed. I later found out that my SO didnt actually enjoy the latter because she didnt feel she connected to the guy, probably because she was sober and was nursing a hangover (her words, not mine). However, we agreed to carry on chatting with the couple but my SO became increasingly uncomfortable with how well I was getting on with the other lady. Ultimately, what could have been a wonderful 4way relationship ended in a train wreck! OK, put it down to experience and move on, neither of us wanted to go back to vanilladom especially my SO even though I suggested we stop it there and then.

We then discovered a local couple (fuck buddies who lived separate lives) but, after chatting and exchanging pics, it turned out the lady and I already knew each other reasonably well and had flirted a lot in the past. My SO and me discussed the complexities of how this new relationship would work but she agreed to meet up with them for a social that ended up well beyond the accepted boundaries of public conduct. The 4 of us couldnt wait to meet up for a real date which we arranged as soon as we could and it was amazing for all four of us. We met up a second and a third time each time it was better and better.

Now comes the problem. After our first meet, it transpired the lady, my previous friend and I enjoyed a similar exercise activity and my SO suggested we do it together, just the 2 of us. It was great and everybody was onboard. She even came to my house for lunch a couple of times both with my SOs consent. After a while, the lady and I ended up kissing during one of our activities. I didnt tell my SO because I thought it was a one off but it happened again the next day so I told my SO and the other lady told hers. It didnt come as much of a surprise to either of them and he was actually turned on by it. Initially my SO was upset, primarily because she felt that she was missing out but then she relented and actually suggested I got to second base the next time we were out together. Then everything got screwed up, my SO told me that she was uncomfortable with us meeting up because of the kissing. We agreed that the kissing would stop and, unless the 4 of us were together, nothing sexual would happen, we didnt even talk about sex. We are now at the stage where my SO has done some unspeakable things to the other lady and is banning me from even speaking to her again let alone meet her for our shared (purely vanilla) activities. Over the past couple of months, the other lady and me have become really good friends but sex in any way is completely off the table which is fine by both of us, we would both rather be friends than people who sometimes have sex (no matter how good it was).

Am I being unreasonable wanting to carry on my friendship with this woman?

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